Idle American: A Day Gone Wrong

When I introduced this weekly column more than 22 years ago, my stated goal was to provide amusement — even if corny and outdated — largely for readers dealing with bodily wrinkles, waistlines, aches, breaks, bends and assorted other groans associated with later life. Sometimes I’ve tried to make lemonade when negative topics tempted.

Last week, I shared negative thoughts, promising additional details later. Here they are, my ire modified, even if not fully mollified.

Upon reflection, I choose to “throttle back” on a negative oil change/inspection experience, refocusing instead on company policy.

That said, upon arrival, we were forewarned by a pleasant young lady — perhaps a trainee — that there might be a 30-40 minute wait. I could have driven away then, but her engaging smile and warm greeting attracted my wife and me. Farthest from my mind was that the projected wait time to enter the service bay would be missed greatly; more than an hour passed. To her credit, she provided bottled water at “mid-visit.” We were trapped in line. I don’t know how long the guy in front had been waiting, but, upon entering the bay, he never stopped, exiting without service and yelling scornful words, none to be confused with “adieu.”

I requested an oil change and vehicle inspection. About 25 minutes later, after declining other services, I received my bill. I reminded the attendant that I’d appreciate the 25% discount offered for oil changes only. He re-figured the bill.

After more than 100 minutes, we were on our way rejoicing, our rescue dog Archie particularly eager to get home, and me smoldering. I couldn’t believe that the attendant’s final words concerned his deep appreciation of our completion of an email requesting an evaluation of service that we’d receive soon. I told him I couldn’t wait. I know, I know. More customers than expected probably showed up, and maybe they were short-handed. All seemed to be working hard.

Now, let’s turn to suggestions for corporate consideration:

1) Seek ways for unsatisfied customers to easily reach a real person. The current customer service sham isn’t working. I completed a “zeroes-in-every-category” email response. Finally reaching a telephone call center, I was directed to a number that triggered the old “mailbox-is-full-call-back-later” message.

2) Stop with the printed windshield stickers inviting customers back 3,000 miles later. “Just a reminder,” an attendant said.

3) Urge technicians to remain pleasant — particularly to us senile customers — and when the veteran discount is requested, If technicians check license plates, they should never return with a snide “your-license-plate-doesn’t-say-veteran” remark if the license doesn’t confirm. (I already had my driver’s license designation in hand.) He sheepishly accepted.

4) It is understandable that additional products/services are available, and that each location probably has quotas. However, when lines are long, tempers on edge and the 10-minute oil change assurance blown to smithereens, please forego unsought examinations of wiper blades/various filters/other services unless customers request. Even if business is slow, how about seeking permission to provide additional services? Asking “May I?” up front is strongly recommended. (“May I” was big in childhood games, right?)

5) As to veteran discounts, get on or get off. Offering 25% discounts for oil changes only invites misunderstanding and/or misgivings. Are you really trying to honor men and women who have served our country? How about this? Offer whatever discount you choose, but for all products and services, even if it halves the current “25% off oil changes only” offer.

I truly do commend the workers toiling away in these places. Their work is hard.

Further, I cut some slack for the top brass, figuring profit margins may sometimes be slim, and fierce competition likely ever present.

If my complaints ever reach the top, I hope they’ll be considered by real people, but even if by “AI” (artificial intelligence), it would be better than nothing. We “geezers” appeal in the interest of all ages. Bottled water ain’t enough.

Dr. Newbury, a longtime speaker in the Metroplex, may be contacted at 817-447-3872 or newbury@speakerdoc.com. His column may be accessed at www.speakerdoc.com, where he reads it aloud, sometimes without stumbling