The son of Peyton Lauderdale of Gathering Hope in Aledo, James was born via emergency C-section, and though he survived less than a day, through his death others have lived.
“He was one of the youngest organ donors,” Peyton Lauderdale said. “His name is listed in a garden of child organ donors and Cook Children’s Hospital. That’s part of it, but also I think that James’ life has emboldened us to share his story. In sharing his story, there are physicians and therapists and all kinds of people who know how to relate to loss moms in ways that they didn’t before.”
Lauderdale, 44, said the trauma associated with the loss of an infant child is difficult for many reasons, but perhaps the worst, is a unique sense of loneliness.
“I experienced the very sudden and traumatic loss of my son,” Lauderdale said. “I had a lot of support, but I didn’t have a lot of people who could completely understand what I was going through. I was surrounded by people and was still really lonely in this really weird way. I wanted people to understand me and I wanted to talk with my son. I wanted to talk about my baby, just like I did with my other two living children, but there just wasn’t really an outlet to do that, or I didn’t know about it if there was.”
In an attempt to quell her own anguish, the Aledo woman sought individual therapy.
Lauderdale credits her counselor with helping her find her voice and with creating an environment that eventually led to the idea for Gathering Hope.
“I came to her with the idea and told her I really feel like I am supposed to do something for moms like me,” Lauderdale said. “I shared this with her in therapy one day fully expecting her to be like, ‘That’s a great idea for later, but I don’t think you’re quite ready for that.’ But instead, she really encouraged me.”
Lauderdale started Gathering Hope because she felt a call to help others like herself, but she initially thought that rather than a non-profit organization, she would do a one-time memorial event because she had not yet met Carol Vantine, whose son Matthew Lee Vantine was stillborn at 24 weeks.
Vantine determined to preserve her son’s memory but was also not sure of how to do so, and decided to put it in God’s hands.
Both Lauderdale and Vantine are women of strong faith.
Gathering Hope has been going strong now for more than 10 years, and Lauderdale said having Vantine as a partner has made all of the difference in the world.
“I think the burnout comes on those days where we wonder if anyone does hear us,” Lauderdale said. “There is always going to be more money to raise so we can continue to do our work. It’s those daily tasks that can get to you, and it’s just the two of us here. When we have events, we have a great team of volunteers who come in and support the work we are doing, but it is just the two of us. But that is the incredible thing about a partnership. When I’m having a day where I don’t know that I can go another day doing this because the work is so heavy, Carol is like, ‘Hey, remember when this awesome thing happened?’ or ‘Don’t forget we’re changing the world in this way,’ and it flip flops…we never seem to be down or burnt out at the very same time.”
Gathering Hope now has thousands of women who follow their Facebook Page or Instagram page or occasionally show up to an event and feel less alone in the world because of the organization.
It has also helped Lauderdale deal with her own grief.
“I’m very passionate about being a mom,” Lauderdale said, becoming emotional. “This organization is where all of my love has landed. He’s not here for me to go and watch him march in the band. I have a kid on the dance team and one in the band, and that’s where we want to spend our life. This organization just kind of serves as a place where all of the love for my son has a place to go, but it goes beyond James’ life. We help people, and then they help somebody else. It has been really healing for me, but it’s not just my story anymore.”
Recently, Gathering Hope has started a new workshop for loss moms called Beyond Words, which is a new area for the organization.
“We tackle different aspects of the loss mom journey, like relationships and marriage after loss, or what does it look like to parent your child when your child is in heaven?” Lauderdale said. “Like what does their legacy look like? But we’ve also jumped into the arena of educating faith workers and hospital workers. We’ve had the opportunity to go and teach a labor support class and were able to share facts about loss, and then we brought in four of our loss moms to say ‘This was what was helpful when I was in the hospital, this was what was hurtful, and here’s how you can support your patients.’”
Lauderdale said that because physicians are the first ones to tell patients they are a loss mom, they have the chance to direct them on a healing path.
“That is such a huge opportunity to start a loss moms’ journey going one way or the other, and just equipping them and helping them to feel confident in a sad and tragic situation,” Lauderdale said. “It will also impact that patient for the rest of their life.”
Lauderdale said she is proud of what Gathering Hope has accomplished over the last decade and said there is much more to come.
“Counseling has its place,” Lauderdale said. “Gathering Hope wouldn’t exist if I wasn’t in my counselor’s office. But being able to look at someone across the table from you and say ‘This happened to me,’ and having another woman look back and say ‘Me too,’ there is nothing like it. “Everyone’s story is different, but that feeling of my baby doesn’t sit down to dinner with us at night; there’s a chair missing at my table of a person that I long for. Knowing that someone else can relate to that exact feeling is absolutely priceless.”
Comments
No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here